Life's Magic Chapter 42
Blue skies, green forest, teal river waters. Everywhere I turn, I always saw colors, so vivid and cheerful. So happy and full of life. So different from how I felt. A very contrast to my dull, painful life right now. I blew a deep breath, which probably had been the hundredth times since I sat at the back porch of our cabin house.
I came here because I wanted to think. I wanted to clear up my mind and to find solace from the storming thoughts in my head. Yet, when I arrived, my feelings worsened. I felt terrible. I felt nothing but pain. I felt so empty and alone. Closing my eyes, I thought about the warmth of an embrace. Two faces flashed my head which made me even more confused. So I snapped my eyes open again. God, I'm so fucked up.
Heavy booted steps resounded behind me which had me raising my head up before turning around. David Thorne, my father, appeared into view and my heart constricted and throat tightened. Shit, I couldn't stop being a fucking baby right now.
"Dad, you're here." I said before turning upfront once more, blinking my tears away.
"Because I know you'll also be here." He answered before taking the space beside me on the hammock I'm sitting on.
"I just want to clear up my head."
There was a moment of silence after that. Dad started swaying the hammock with his foot on the ground. Surprisingly, I didn't feel the same loneliness and emptiness as how I felt earlier. Dad's presence somehow warmed my heart.
"What's really bothering you, son?" Dad softly asked.
Blowing a deep breath, I wiped my face with a hand. "I can't choose between the two of them, dad. I love them both. I can't hurt either any one of them."
I was answered with another silence. I know dad understood who were the people I was talking about. After all, he'd been my only confidant all throughout my life.
"Don't want to hurt them?" Dad repeated in a mocking laughter. "Too bad. While you're holding them up waiting for your decision, they're actually hurting right now. The very thing you don't want to happen. I'm sure they're beginning to doubt the sincerity of the time you shared with them. Don't you see? Each of those two girls right now is actually questioning if did you really love her during those times you're with her."
"What the hell, dad!" I exclaimed defensively. "Of course I loved each of them, in different time and in a different way."
Dad just shook his head. "Too much familiarity could be the reason you mistook it as love and one of them might actually be thinking this now. Maybe the other one might think she's just a rebound, a part time fling to warm your bed. Both of them now might be thinking that you loved the other more."
"I swear, dad. I loved them both equally. I still do love them now! That's why I'm so fucking torn."
"Mitch, a person has only one heart. You can't possibly love two people at the same time." Dad argued softly. "Even some parents admit favoritism towards their children. And I'm glad you're an only child. So it's hard to believe you both love them simultaneously."
"Dad, as a matter of fact, I'm in love with both of them. I won't be here feeling confused and lost if I'm only into one of them." My head started pounding with my sudden consuming anger.
Dad blew a heavy sigh as if to say I was being an impossible child and that he's having a difficulty to make me understand. But he's wrong. It's, in fact, the other way around. Dad was being the impossible person here, couldn't understand me at all. I also blew a deep frustrated breath before frowning when he elbowed me and showed me a coin. No, it was actually a token, bronze with carving of an eagle, larger than the dollar coin.
"I'm going to help you decide fast." Dad offered, raising the coin at my face.
"Jesus! I'm not going to put my decision over a coin toss, dad." I shoved his hand away, really getting pissed at him right now.
"I didn't say you're going to decide according to the coin toss, Mitch. Just listen to me, OK? I know that deep in your heart, you already had a choice among the two girls. What's actually holding you back is the guilt that you'll eventually feel at the knowledge of hurting the other one you didn't get to choose. But there's really no other way to get past this situation but to decide once and for all. It'll be painful, yes, but only in the beginning before all of you have accepted it and learned to move on."
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I came here because I wanted to think. I wanted to clear up my mind and to find solace from the storming thoughts in my head. Yet, when I arrived, my feelings worsened. I felt terrible. I felt nothing but pain. I felt so empty and alone. Closing my eyes, I thought about the warmth of an embrace. Two faces flashed my head which made me even more confused. So I snapped my eyes open again. God, I'm so fucked up.
Heavy booted steps resounded behind me which had me raising my head up before turning around. David Thorne, my father, appeared into view and my heart constricted and throat tightened. Shit, I couldn't stop being a fucking baby right now.
"Dad, you're here." I said before turning upfront once more, blinking my tears away.
"Because I know you'll also be here." He answered before taking the space beside me on the hammock I'm sitting on.
"I just want to clear up my head."
There was a moment of silence after that. Dad started swaying the hammock with his foot on the ground. Surprisingly, I didn't feel the same loneliness and emptiness as how I felt earlier. Dad's presence somehow warmed my heart.
"What's really bothering you, son?" Dad softly asked.
Blowing a deep breath, I wiped my face with a hand. "I can't choose between the two of them, dad. I love them both. I can't hurt either any one of them."
I was answered with another silence. I know dad understood who were the people I was talking about. After all, he'd been my only confidant all throughout my life.
"Don't want to hurt them?" Dad repeated in a mocking laughter. "Too bad. While you're holding them up waiting for your decision, they're actually hurting right now. The very thing you don't want to happen. I'm sure they're beginning to doubt the sincerity of the time you shared with them. Don't you see? Each of those two girls right now is actually questioning if did you really love her during those times you're with her."
"What the hell, dad!" I exclaimed defensively. "Of course I loved each of them, in different time and in a different way."
Dad just shook his head. "Too much familiarity could be the reason you mistook it as love and one of them might actually be thinking this now. Maybe the other one might think she's just a rebound, a part time fling to warm your bed. Both of them now might be thinking that you loved the other more."
"I swear, dad. I loved them both equally. I still do love them now! That's why I'm so fucking torn."
"Mitch, a person has only one heart. You can't possibly love two people at the same time." Dad argued softly. "Even some parents admit favoritism towards their children. And I'm glad you're an only child. So it's hard to believe you both love them simultaneously."
"Dad, as a matter of fact, I'm in love with both of them. I won't be here feeling confused and lost if I'm only into one of them." My head started pounding with my sudden consuming anger.
Dad blew a heavy sigh as if to say I was being an impossible child and that he's having a difficulty to make me understand. But he's wrong. It's, in fact, the other way around. Dad was being the impossible person here, couldn't understand me at all. I also blew a deep frustrated breath before frowning when he elbowed me and showed me a coin. No, it was actually a token, bronze with carving of an eagle, larger than the dollar coin.
"I'm going to help you decide fast." Dad offered, raising the coin at my face.
"Jesus! I'm not going to put my decision over a coin toss, dad." I shoved his hand away, really getting pissed at him right now.
"I didn't say you're going to decide according to the coin toss, Mitch. Just listen to me, OK? I know that deep in your heart, you already had a choice among the two girls. What's actually holding you back is the guilt that you'll eventually feel at the knowledge of hurting the other one you didn't get to choose. But there's really no other way to get past this situation but to decide once and for all. It'll be painful, yes, but only in the beginning before all of you have accepted it and learned to move on."
Please go to to read the latest chapters for free